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                                                      is a series that I began working on in the summer of '21.  The subconscious has always been an interest of mine, and through automation, I began creating what I call 'mindscapes'. I like to look at my brain as a home. *Now you are standing on the welcome mat outside my front door*

Note on merch items:

All are limited stock and edition, I like art objects, I like things that aren't made to be consumed until the end of time. 2 shirts, 10 lighters... get it? got it? good. 

-CC

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 I PAINTED​

I only make things I understand.

Well, not understand.

But, know I stand with

Firmly.

 

I painted bodies, 

Because I had an eating disorder.

 

One time I was painting a ‘nasty’ woman.

I had a panic attack,

I thought I was painting myself.

 

Painting people

Made me scared.

I was so angry.

That series almost killed me, 

I was so angry. 

I was so terrified.

 

Gaslighting myself.

Numb.

Blind.

My dysmorphic sense of self,

Always painting problems.


Do I ever tire?

No.

Knit picking-

I have the endurance for anxiety.

When I looked in the mirror,

“Is that what I really look like?”

“No Cortney, you just have body dysmorphia”

“Oh yeah”

 

I painted spaces,

Because I know what it is like to be trapped

In my own 'home'.

*Death peering in through the window*

I found myself

Standing on the edge of the fire escape.

 

The eyes are the window to the soul,

That must be why the room is flooding.

Fucking Zoloft won’t let me open the dam.

 

I do like plants.

A friend said I needed another hobby

Besides work.

What did I like?

Besides work

I like animals-

Fuck Cortney, you live in the city

I like the sun-

Forget about it 

 

*Seasonal Depression peers through the window*

 

Let's try a plant 

No… I tried it on that hot day,

I killed it shortly after,

I claimed I didn’t pot it correctly,

“It became hydrophobic”.

Letting it die slowly.

 I got the power back.

 

I painted swirling words

Because they come and go.

I have a memory like a fish. 

 

I painted a woman pregnant with two separate bumps.

Because right as I was about to pop,

I got my head cut off.

The crowd gets off,

To see the death of a woman.

It’s easy to feel depressed

Sometimes I wake up

Feeling fresh

Then I look in the mirror

Or stub my toe running to get some coffee

Then I immediately get all pissy and quiet

I fucking hate when I am pissy and quiet.

 

I painted a skin cube 

As a raft 

In the middle of the ocean

Because I felt like I was in a purgatory

Do I dive into the abyss?

See what happens?

This body is failing me anyway.

I paint my wound because

My own blood is ostracized, mystified, fetishized.

 

Welcome to the home that is my mind. 

Please take your shoes off at the door…

I’m kind of neurotic these days.